Chapter 1: An Apology for Digital Faux Pas

Greetings, fellow bloggers and readers,

I must confess and sincerely apologize for any confusion, annoyance, or worry my earlier missteps may have created. As I ponder these moments, I feel akin to Edvard Munch's famous figure, embodying a whirlwind of emotion and chaos.

In my journey, many of you have graciously supported me, yet I initially entered this vibrant online space as a shy, nostalgic hipster, treating Facebook like a vintage record shop, scouring through posts as if I were hunting for hidden music treasures at Taz Records.

It has recently struck me that my early actions on this delightful platform may have stirred up some commotion. For that, I extend my heartfelt apologies. Yes, I’m Canadian, and I wear that stereotype proudly.

In my debut as an anonymous, eager newbie, I was thrilled to dive into the literary riches this platform offered. The quality of content far surpassed what I found on Facebook, but I mistakenly assumed the interaction would be similar.

My first blunder? The infamous clap incident. On Facebook, the rare posts I appreciated received a simple "Like." Yet, on this platform, I stumbled upon those clapping hands. I hesitantly maneuvered my cursor, closed my eyes, and clicked. There it was—my inaugural clap.

In my ignorance, I believed a single clap sufficed to convey my admiration for a piece of writing. After all, you can't shower a Facebook post with numerous thumbs up.

I realize now that I unintentionally shortchanged many wonderful articles with just a lone clap.

Do you remember the simpler times? Dining out, you’d receive a bill, quickly calculate a tip in your head, and jot the total down with a pen. For instance, if your meal cost $100.00 and you wanted to tip 20%, you would write 20 and figure 120 at the bottom of the receipt.

Then came the handheld calculator machines that were supposed to simplify everything. I recall visiting a restaurant, where I decided a $12 tip was appropriate. Imagine my shock when I discovered I had tipped the waitress only $0.12. Naturally, I rushed back to apologize.

But online, there’s no option to go back and rectify my claps on posts from a year ago—so here’s another "Sorry."

Unfortunately, that’s not all! My fast-paced reading habits, likely due to my work, might have made me too quick for this platform's algorithms. Initially, I gravitated toward short-form content. Reading 150 words and leaving just one clap became my routine, much quicker than a squirrel on a sugar high. So, even if I loved your post, you probably received a mere 20 seconds of my attention and a single clap... Again, I apologize.

It gets even more amusing. Being an old-school, introverted hipster, I have a few quirky obsessions. My TV, radio, or computer volume is always set to multiples of 5. Who listens to music at 22? Stick to 20 or 25. The only exception? If I’m jamming to loud music, I might crank it to 42! Those who know, understand.

And let’s not even discuss keyboards. Are there any other keyboard aficionados out there? The agony of using a keyboard that "clicks" instead of "thocks" is real.

Have you ever emerged from a long hike, starving, only to find a quaint little restaurant, yet you’d rather remain hungry than eat with a three-pronged fork? I know some of you can relate, though few would admit it.

So, why share all this about myself? Well, as I’ve learned to give the claps you deserve, I noticed this week that you can see exactly how many claps I’ve issued.

Why did I only give you 32 claps? Because you had 218. Do the math—I'm compelled to bring your number to a nice round 250. But I’ve learned! If you have 249 claps, I’ll restrain myself and give you 41.

It pains me not to give that single clap to bring you to 250, and I simply can't muster the courage to give you 50 claps to reach 299. Two hundred and ninety is a tough pill to swallow, but I manage.

I do it to myself, too. Seeing my follower count as a multiple of 5 brings a smile to my face—like Kermit the Frog strumming his banjo in the swamp. Then, I get a single new follower, and I wonder why I ever check those stats.

Once more, I apologize for being an unintentional nuisance. Consider me educated and still on this learning path. We’re all in this together.

Sorry.

Section 1.1: The Clap Fiasco Explained

Reflecting on my early misadventures, the clap fiasco stands out as particularly embarrassing. I thought I was adequately expressing appreciation, but it was merely a fraction of what I intended to convey.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Volumes of Life

Chapter 2: Learning and Growing Together

Though I may have started this journey with a series of blunders, I’m committed to improving and connecting with all of you in more meaningful ways.