Understanding My Struggles with Alcohol: A Journey to Sobriety
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Chapter 1: The Desire to Fit In
I often found myself questioning why I couldn't limit myself to just one drink like my friends did. The yearning to feel "normal" weighed heavily on me.
My friends and I would gather for dinner and typically order a glass of wine. As the evening went on, some would opt for a second. I usually followed suit, unless I was the designated driver, and even then, I sometimes indulged in a second glass.
Some of my friends could make a single glass of Chardonnay last for the entire night. How was that possible? I now realize they were likely sipping water in between, though I was too focused on my wine to notice.
I would never consider ordering a third glass, as I would be the only one doing so and would already be feeling tipsy. It was important to maintain my composure around my friends.
Why was I different? Why did I always crave more?
From the beginning, even when I didn't recognize my addiction, I was chasing that initial high. One glass would provide it, so why wasn’t I content with that?
On many occasions after returning home from an outing, I would pour myself another glass of wine. Sometimes, I would treat myself to an “after-dinner drink,” despite having consumed plenty already.
Yet, it was never sufficient.
I have come to understand that I was already ensnared by addiction. My mind was in denial, unable to accept that I, of all people, could be addicted to alcohol.
Chapter 1.1: Observing Others
I have friends who enjoy a glass of wine while cooking or dining.
Take my friend Allison, for example. We've been friends for 30 years. She would savor a glass of wine while preparing meals, often leaving some unfinished. Just one small glass? Yes, only one.
She claimed to savor that glass deeply and felt completely satisfied.
I, on the other hand, never experienced that sense of fulfillment. It wasn't the wine I craved.
What I truly needed was to confront my pain and examine the issues that were troubling me. Wine was not the answer.
I am grateful to have realized this and to have taken the necessary steps to address my inner turmoil.
Despite enjoying time with my friends, I often felt out of place. We shared wonderful moments, but I could only fully relax when I was drinking.
Now, I recognize that my childhood experiences contributed to my insecurities. Alcohol merely masked my self-doubt, but it would always return.
The more I explore these feelings, the more questions arise.
Chapter 1.2: The Road to Self-Discovery
After four and a half years of sobriety, I still don’t have all the answers regarding my need for alcohol, but I have pieced together most of the puzzle.
I have come to accept that there is no such thing as a “normal” drinker. In fact, nothing is typical about consuming ethanol.
How can consuming a poison be considered normal? We were designed to require nourishment—food, water, and love—not alcohol.
How has your journey been, my sober friends? Have you managed to uncover the reasons behind your overindulgence?
Do you comprehend the need and craving that led to your addiction? Did you also envy those who could enjoy just one drink?
Chapter 2: Embracing Sobriety
I am truly grateful for my sobriety.
Each day, I wake up and express my gratitude for the gift of another day and the miracle of staying sober.
Occasionally, I find myself desiring a glass of wine like my friends do, but fortunately, those moments are rare—perhaps only 0.01% of the time.
I know I cannot, and will not, give in. The fear of slipping back into that cycle of alcohol consumption terrifies me, as I would be swept away in that river of booze, struggling to stay afloat.
We have conquered our addictions, and now we have a life worth celebrating.
My life is filled with joy, even amidst the challenges that come my way. With a clear mind, I am confident that I can tackle any obstacles that arise.
I wouldn’t have it any other way. My addiction taught me valuable lessons, and I am endlessly thankful for each sober day.
What about you?
In this eye-opening video, "QUIT DRINKING MOTIVATION - The Most Eye Opening 20 Minutes Of Your Life," the speaker discusses the impact of addiction and the journey to sobriety.
In "Mindset Flip: Getting Real About Your Relationship With Alcohol | The Mel Robbins Podcast," Mel Robbins explores the underlying issues of addiction and how to change your mindset.