Chapter 1: The Nature of Empathy and Being an Empath

As someone who identifies as an empath, I've delved into the principles of compassionate communication, also known as Nonviolent Communication (NVC). This framework emphasizes understanding the needs of others to foster genuine empathy. During a year and a half of attending NVC workshops, I learned that the giraffe symbolizes compassion due to its notably large heart, while the hyena represents a lack of heart-centered communication, often depicted in media with its sinister laugh.

In a recent conversation with a colleague, I expressed that a specific comment felt hurtful. When she probed for clarification, I attempted to convey my empathic experience, feeling a wave of nausea in response to the energy around us. In retrospect, perhaps it would have been wiser to remain silent. My colleague remarked, “If you are an empath, you should empathize with the other person.” While this is true, it also felt like she was placing blame rather than truly understanding the concept. This led to further discomfort for me until that energy dissipated.

I tried to explain my sensitivity to the energies of others, but she dismissed my feelings, stating, “I don't have time for this.” It became clear that my explanation might have sounded too unconventional for her. I've observed a widespread misunderstanding between the concepts of empathy and being an empath in our collective awareness.

This explains why I experienced physical sensations like nausea in the presence of this individual and their family. I should have recognized the conflicting energies surrounding me at that moment. Ideally, I would have taken a step back to process what I was feeling instead of remaining in the situation. This experience serves as a lesson for me and others regarding the distinction between being an empath and having empathy, better preparing me for future discussions.

A quote by Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of Nonviolent Communication, resonates deeply with this idea: “If you think ahead to what to say next — like how to fix it or make the person feel better — BOOM! Off the board. You’re into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that’s here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it’s like I wasn’t there. I call this ‘watching the magic show.’ In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, relieving me from my ‘fix-it’ tendencies.”

~ Marshall Rosenberg

Additional resources:

• Culture of Empathy Builder: Marshall Rosenberg

  http://j.mp/1zM36KX

• Marshall Rosenberg Empathy Expert Big Page: Marshall Rosenberg