Chapter 1: My Complex Relationship with Food

I have a rather unconventional and fluctuating connection with food. Many days, I consume just enough to sustain myself, often eating simply out of boredom. However, on those rare occasions when I am in the right mindset, I can become utterly captivated by the joys of culinary experiences and the rich indulgence they offer. Food encompasses history, artistry, and cultural significance—elements that are integral to our humanity and civilization.

Historically, alcoholic drinks have been woven into the fabric of our culture. Wine and beer were commonly consumed, as they were more accessible than clean water, which was often contaminated. To quench thirst, people typically turned to beer or wine, maintaining a constant, low-level buzz throughout their lives.

I find myself habitually drinking throughout the day. While it’s not always alcohol, I ensure there's always a beverage nearby. My day often revolves around coffee, but as evening approaches, I switch to soda. When I indulge, I might add vodka or enjoy a glass of wine. Although I don’t drink wine at home much anymore, when dining out, I typically order two glasses with my meal—at least when I’m partaking. Currently, I’m abstaining from alcohol once again.

While my relationship with food has its complications, my issues with alcohol run deeper and are more irrational. I rarely get intoxicated; I possess a high tolerance that allows me to function well even after several drinks. However, as I age, I’ve begun to recognize the cumulative toll that drinking takes on my body. I often enter a cycle where I use alcohol to alleviate the aftereffects of prior consumption, leading to a dull background buzz that loses its appeal. This isn’t a sustainable or healthy approach.

Thus, I find myself once more refraining from drinking. I can’t say how long this will last; it’s only been a week, which feels insignificant. My longest stretch of sobriety lasted 18 months during the initial phase of the pandemic. While others stockpiled alcohol and embraced daytime drinking, I chose to stay sober. It was a peculiar decision, but my drinking had become too routine, and I feared losing control.

During my last extended break from alcohol, I managed quite well for the most part. I didn’t dwell on my abstinence too much, but I did miss the celebratory aspect of drinking—enjoying a drink after a long day or after mowing the lawn. The ritual of making a drink and unwinding with a glass of something comforting was hard to replace.

On the topic of substitutes, I have experimented with cannabis. Initially, it took some effort to overcome the paranoia that often accompanies it, but now I’m more accustomed to the experience. Unlike alcohol, which can elevate my spirits, cannabis tends to dull my senses. It’s akin to wearing noise-canceling headphones, where life feels slightly muted. I don’t experience the urge to be productive or social; instead, it’s a laid-back state that doesn’t inspire much.

For those committed to sobriety, finding an alternative vice, like caffeine or nicotine, is common. These options are often seen as lesser evils, a way to attain a modified state of being. People engage in various activities—hiking, healthy eating, meditation, or puzzles—to soothe their inner turmoil.

Dining out presents a particular challenge in my journey toward sobriety. While many enjoy meals without alcohol, I find that a significant part of my dining pleasure hinges on the enjoyment of a couple of glasses of wine. The quality of food often takes a backseat when I know I can savor some wine alongside it.

In contrast, fine dining can become rather tedious without the calming influence of wine. I find myself more critical of the food and service, feeling restless and impatient as we wait for our meal. The moments between courses become unbearable, filled with awkward silence rather than relaxation.

After finishing a meal, waiting for the bill is especially difficult. Without the comforting presence of wine, I find myself tapping my foot, anxious to leave and drive home. This discomfort is puzzling to me.

Recently, I’ve contemplated the idea of using cannabis before dinner. My experiences with it have primarily occurred at night, when I have no responsibilities. I’m not suggesting that I indulge to the point of losing control while driving; rather, I envision a small dose to ease my anxiety and make me more relaxed.

Moderation has never been my strong suit. Casual drinking can quickly morph into a habit, stripping away the joy of the experience. I’m determined to avoid that outcome.

I’ve heard that my grandfather had a similar approach to drinking. He would often give it up for periods, allowing his body to reset before gradually reintroducing it. This approach resembles intermittent fasting before it became popular.

While I’ve considered banning drinking at home, I fear it would lead to more frequent dining out—a solution that doesn’t address my core issues. I prefer a sober lifestyle for the clarity it provides, enabling me to read, think, and write effectively. Still, I would like the freedom to indulge occasionally. A few well-deserved drinks now and then wouldn’t hurt.

For now, total abstinence feels excessive. Life is too complex for such extremes, yet moderation seems to be the best approach. My primary goal is to ensure that alcohol doesn’t dominate my life; I want to avoid fixating on it. Too often, it becomes the unattainable goal, a mere indulgence without real value.

I must view alcohol as a luxury rather than a routine, much like foie gras or steak—something to enjoy sparingly. Overindulgence will only lead to negative consequences. I suspect my anxiety and depression are heightened, if not caused, by substance abuse, which takes its toll in various ways.

For now, I’ll aim for moderation while leaning toward abstinence and see how this journey unfolds.

If you enjoyed this piece, consider following more of my writings. For those not subscribed to Medium, signing up provides access to my articles and countless others. Lastly, please follow this publication to show your support.

Follow David Todd McCarty on Mastodon.

Chapter 2: The Challenge of Dining Out

In the video "She Hasn't Eaten in 16 Years (No Food, No Water) - YouTube," we explore the extreme experiences of a woman whose unique dietary choices raise questions about survival and societal norms surrounding food.

Chapter 3: The Connection Between Food and Hydration

The video "DRINK WATER DURING MEAL | RIGHT OR WRONG | WATER AND FOOD CONNECTION | ‪@PrashantjYoga‬ - YouTube" delves into the vital relationship between hydration and eating, discussing whether it's beneficial to drink water during meals and its impact on digestion and overall health.