You Were Mistaken: Being Authentic Didn't Drive Him Away

Remember those serious discussions, Mom? When you cautioned me against being "too much," as if my vibrant personality were a burden too heavy to bear? You were mistaken. I didn't have to tone myself down to be loved.

My husband chose me not in spite of my true self, but because of it. Together, we’ve built a partnership that allows us to express our authentic selves without fear of losing each other. Our genuineness has been our strongest asset, the foundation of our lasting love that has flourished for 17 incredible years.

Raising Boys and Girls: A Unique Journey

I can vividly recall standing in the kitchen, seven months pregnant, feeling overwhelmed by the thought of raising a boy in a family of women. You reassured me that "children are the same," but they are not, Mom.

My son possesses a temperament that is entirely different from his sister's. His ways of seeking affection, reacting to challenges, and expressing emotions are uniquely his own. Acknowledging this before his birth didn’t diminish my abilities as a mother; rather, it allowed me to be more attentive to the individual needs of my children.

Love Should Be Celebrated, Not Concealed

Your advice on my wedding day about retreating to the bathroom to "scream it out" when overwhelmed with love was both shocking and heartbreaking. What fears led you to view love as something to be suppressed or controlled?

Freely expressing love has been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my marriage. It not only deepened our emotional connection but also created a haven within our relationship—a safe space where we can both be vulnerable and feel secure.

You Were Always Worthy of Love

Those four rings from four different men were not signs of your failure, Mom; they were symbols of your hope and your relentless pursuit of companionship.

Even through heartbreak, you sought love, which is not a weakness. I wish I could tell you that those endeavors didn’t lessen your worthiness of affection. You were always enough, just as you were.

Your "Curse" Did Not Define My Path

Twenty years ago, your wish that I "wake up fat" felt ominous. However, as time has passed, I’ve come to understand the pain and vulnerability behind those words.

Your comment reflected your own struggles, projecting onto me a narrative you believed was inescapable. Your warning became another mold I had to break free from. My years of studying health psychology have empowered me to help others reclaim their health and resist inherited narratives or societal expectations. In doing so, I’ve taken control of my own body and well-being.

Reflections and Insights

Life is a tapestry woven from choices and circumstances, shaped by our decisions and those who influence us. My mother's tapestry was imperfect but uniquely hers. While I’ve spent much of my life untangling the threads she laid out for me, I’ve also learned to value the lessons embedded in each knot and frayed edge.

To every woman who has felt out of place or confined by generational beliefs: Your life is your own.

Just as I had to carve my own path away from the narrative my mother envisioned, you too have the freedom to create your own story.

If only my mom could witness the life I’ve built for myself. Her complex legacy has taught me how to navigate the intricate paths of womanhood, and for that, I’m grateful. Her life was a rich tapestry of emotions and experiences—beautiful despite its imperfections. It’s a reminder that we are not shackled by our pasts but are empowered by our futures.

So here’s to breaking molds, defying expectations, and living life on our own terms. It's never too late to redefine who you are and what you can achieve. The journey may be long, but remember: the destination is worth the effort.

In the time that has passed, I have focused on empowering others, especially women grappling with similar issues as my mother. It’s almost poetic how her challenges have fueled my passion to support others.

While I can never have that conversation with my mom, I can reach out to the countless women who share her fears, guiding them through their emotional and physical struggles. I can be the support I wish I could have provided to her.

And so, I conclude on a hopeful note. We are the authors of our own lives, shaped but not constrained by the past, always moving toward a future of our own design. Our mothers gave us life, but it’s up to us to decide how to live it. May we all find the courage to embrace our authentic selves, forging paths that honor our individuality and aspirations.

The echoes of our mothers may linger, but the songs we sing are distinctly ours. And they are beautiful.

With heartfelt sincerity,

Dr. Kirsten Grant

Health Psychologist

If this message resonated with you and you seek support to overcome emotional eating, cravings, and weight loss challenges, I am here for you.