The Brain’s Developmental Journey

Understanding the brain's architecture is crucial. It can be divided into two primary areas:

1. The downstairs brain: This part handles emotions, memories, and survival instincts. It develops early and is quick to react.
2. The upstairs brain: Responsible for logic, reasoning, and self-control, this area develops later in life.

Typically, these two halves work together to manage emotions, but young children predominantly rely on their downstairs brain.

Why Do Meltdowns Occur?

Meltdowns are not indicators of poor behavior; rather, they are a natural aspect of brain maturation. During these outbursts, the downstairs brain, particularly the amygdala, becomes highly active. This part of the brain alerts us to perceived threats and can easily override logical thinking, which is governed by the upstairs brain. As a result, young children often experience intense emotions without the capacity to manage them rationally.

Your child is not misbehaving; they are simply overwhelmed by feelings they have yet to learn to navigate.

Transforming Meltdowns into Moments of Connection

When your child is experiencing a meltdown, they require your support to feel secure. Research shows that engaging with your child during these moments can significantly aid their brain development. Responding with empathy helps to strengthen the neural pathways related to emotional regulation.

Hold your child close and offer comfort, showing them that all emotions are valid. I understand that this can be challenging. There are times when I feel frustration rising as my daughter continues her emotional outburst. However, recognizing that her brain is still developing has helped me practice empathy. I remind myself that this isn’t a battle of wills; she simply needs comfort to help her regain control.

How to Help: Bridging Your Child’s Brain

To support your child’s emotional development, it's essential to connect their downstairs brain with the upstairs brain.

1. Avoid Logic During the Storm: Focus on connection rather than reasoning. When emotions are high, the logical part of the brain is offline. Instead, provide hugs and a safe space for them to express their feelings. Once they are calm, you can gently address the issue at hand.
2. Name It to Tame It: Help your child articulate their feelings. When children can label their emotions, they can manage them more effectively. For instance, if they are upset about sharing a toy, you might say, “You feel angry because Charlie won’t share.”
3. Engage, Don’t Enrage: Once your child is calm, involve them in problem-solving to engage their upstairs brain. This practice encourages thoughtful decision-making rather than reactive behavior.
4. Use It and Move It: Encourage physical activity, as movement positively influences brain chemistry. Activities like trampoline jumping or pillow fights can help prevent meltdowns.
5. Use the Mind’s Remote: Encourage your child to revisit and process difficult experiences at a different time. This practice helps them understand their emotions and build resilience.

Take-Away Points

Meltdowns are a normal part of a child's emotional development, not a sign of misbehavior. They occur when the emotional brain dominates, overshadowing the logical brain. During these instances, prioritize empathy and comfort to help your child regain composure.

Avoid trying to reason with them during a meltdown; instead, wait until they are calm to reintroduce logic. By including them in decision-making, you empower them to manage their emotions more effectively.

Remember, you’re not merely surviving these challenging moments — you’re helping to cultivate a stronger, more resilient brain in your child.

You’ve got this!

References

¹Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, P. H. D. T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child. Random House.

²Garvey, D. (2017). Nurturing Personal, Social and Emotional Development in Early Childhood: A Practical Guide to Understanding Brain Development and Young Children’s Behavior. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.