Five Misconceptions About Sex, Emotions, and Grief We Hold Dear
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Chapter 1: The Complexity of Sex and Gender
In our quest for clarity, we often take shortcuts that can lead us astray. Historically, many of us were taught that there are only “two sexes/genders.” While sex and gender roles are distinct, the early education we received categorized children simply as boys or girls.
Recent scientific insights reveal a broader spectrum of gender identity. Although many individuals identify as cisgender and heteronormative, the reality is far more complex. In my middle school years, I learned about five categories of sex: 1. Male, 2. Female, 3. Males assigned female at birth, 4. Females assigned male at birth, and 5. Those who identify somewhere in between.
For a significant part of my life, this five-category model sufficed. However, in recent decades, this classification has proven insufficient as our understanding of gender has evolved. Some proponents still cling to a binary view of male and female, even suggesting a return to this outdated model, which many scientists dispute.
As we grew up in a world shaped by television reruns, it became evident that the rigid categories often left people feeling marginalized. Society now recognizes that we must acknowledge the existence of non-binary individuals, a reality that some still struggle to accept.
Section 1.1: Emotions as Complex Entities
Paul Ekman proposed in the 1970s that there are five primary emotions: 1. Sadness, 2. Happiness, 3. Fear, 4. Anger, and 5. Surprise. While there has been some debate about whether “disgust” should be considered separate from fear, it seems that the two have merged in many discussions.
As an ecopsychologist, I argue that emotions differ from feelings; the former are instinctive responses to external stimuli, while feelings are shaped by our reflections on those emotions. Our understanding of the connection between mind and body remains complicated, as evidenced by phrases like “nourish your body and mind” suggesting a false dichotomy.
To clarify the distinction between emotions and feelings, consider this example:
Emotion: Bob wept upon discovering his horse had died.
Feelings: Ten days later, he stopped engaging with neighbors who had failed to secure the fence that led to his horse's demise.
Bob's immediate emotional responses—sadness, anger, and surprise—are automatic. In contrast, his feelings develop over time, shaped by his thoughts about the tragedy.
Subsection 1.1.1: The Intersection of Grief and Science
Elizabeth K. Ross introduced the five stages of grief in the 1960s, derived from her work with terminally ill patients. These stages include: 1. Denial, 2. Anger, 3. Bargaining, 4. Depression, and 5. Acceptance.
Unfortunately, many people misunderstood these stages as applicable to their own losses—be it the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship—leading to widespread misconceptions. These stages became entrenched in popular culture, appearing in plays, songs, and movies. While they can be helpful, we must not confuse them with rigorous scientific evidence or a definitive timeline for grief.
The human inclination for simplification and shortcuts is a double-edged sword. While our intellect drives us to understand complex issues, we must remain aware of our biases. Listening to our bodies can help us recognize emotional responses, allowing for reflection on whether those responses are grounded in fact or feelings—particularly in discussions surrounding non-binary identities.
Education equips us with the tools to continuously refine our understanding, challenging outdated theories and embracing new knowledge. This ongoing process can help clear the fog of misinformation that often clouds our perceptions.
Chapter 2: Embracing a New Understanding
In the video "205: Sex as a Widow – Krista St-Germain," Krista delves into the complexities of sexuality and grief, offering insights on navigating these intertwined aspects of human experience.
Rachel Hills, in her TEDx talk "Understanding the Sex Myth," discusses societal misconceptions surrounding sex and gender, advocating for a broader understanding of identity.