Chapter 1: The Challenge of Decision-Making

Navigating adulthood is no simple task, especially without the foresight to predict outcomes. Unlike clairvoyants, the majority of us lack the ability to foresee the consequences of our choices.

As I have discussed in previous writings, we cannot dictate the results of our actions; our only control lies in the present and our choices at this moment. We can analyze past outcomes to conclude whether they were 'right' decisions, but the future remains unpredictable, much like the past—unchangeable.

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." — Kierkegaard

I often enjoy listening to thought-provoking podcasts during my morning dog walks. Notable shows include The Mindset Mentor, The Mel Robbins Podcast, The 5am Miracle, Achieve Your Goals with Hal Elrod, and The Rich Roll Podcast.

Recently, I tuned into an episode featuring Professor Joel Pearson, a neuroscientist and psychology professor at the University of New South Wales, who specializes in intuition. His insights on harnessing instinct and intuition caught my attention.

Professor Pearson differentiates instinct from intuition, suggesting that instinct is often unreliable and influenced by unconscious biases. In contrast, intuition combines emotional signals and subconscious cues, drawing from our accumulated knowledge and experiences.

Another guest on the Rich Roll podcast, Dr. Ellen Langer, author of The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Lasting Health, argues that we can never truly know if one choice is superior to another because we cannot revisit past decisions. Instead, she advocates for making random selections, as long as the options align with our current life stage.

As Heraclitus noted centuries ago:

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." — Heraclitus

I have long believed in the importance of listening to one's gut feelings. Those uneasy sensations that arise during conversations or social commitments can often indicate potential danger. While I can't quantify how often heeding those feelings has kept me safe, I recall numerous instances where ignoring them led to regrettable situations.

Interestingly, scientists refer to the gut as the 'second brain' due to the vagus nerve's influence. Although research on the connection between our digestive system and decision-making is still emerging, phrases like "I had a gut feeling" and "trusting my gut" highlight this relationship.

Throughout my life, I have held leadership roles, from teaching to management and now as a coach. One crucial piece of advice I often share is the importance of trusting your instincts.

I don't recall where I first learned this technique, but during my self-help journey in my twenties, I never imagined that my insights would culminate in my online writing and published works. I genuinely believe my book, The Bad Habit Kicker, emerged from the personal growth I experienced through reading and reflection.

When someone expresses uncertainty about their options, I suggest the following:

Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and contemplate the choices before you. Reflect on each option's potential benefits and drawbacks for a few moments.

Then, take a few deep breaths and visualize having selected one option, while disregarding the others. Ask yourself how you feel about this choice. If you experience relief or excitement, that's a positive sign. However, if disappointment arises, it indicates that this option may not be right for you. Continue this process until you feel a sense of relief or enthusiasm—that's the choice to pursue.

Will this method always work? No, not necessarily. Each technique I share may not be universally effective, which is why I encourage learning multiple strategies to enhance the likelihood of finding what resonates with you in various situations.

However, this approach has significantly aided me during pivotal moments in my life. As Ellen Langer points out, while we can never be certain that our decision is the best one, we can choose what feels right for us in the present.

Before You Decide: 3 Steps To Better Decision Making | Matthew Confer | TEDxOakLawn

This insightful TEDx talk offers three practical steps for effective decision-making, emphasizing the importance of clarity and confidence in your choices.

How to Make Better Decisions

In this video, learn key strategies for improving your decision-making skills, focusing on practical techniques to enhance clarity and reduce anxiety.