Embracing Failure: A Pathway to Success and Growth
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Chapter 1: The Necessity of a Roadmap
Navigating through life without a clear plan can be daunting. Unless you’re one of the fortunate few who can effortlessly glide through challenges, having a well-defined strategy is essential for reaching your aspirations. If my son inquires about the potential for achievement, I would respond that if anyone else has reached that goal, he can too. And if no one has, it’s still possible to dissect the necessary components and learn from those who have succeeded in related areas.
In my journey as a black science fiction writer, I initially struggled to find a role model. Eventually, I discovered one, albeit a female. It took me time to learn about Chip Delany, who transitioned from writing to academia, making him less accessible as a direct model. However, I could still draw inspiration from successful black artists and writers, as well as science fiction authors in general.
By studying their common traits—such as diligent research, daily writing habits, resilience against rejection, and an ability to endure and challenge injustices—I began to formulate my own actionable plan. This eventually led to the creation of the six-step LIFEWRITING program for writers:
- Write a sentence daily.
- Complete 1–4 short stories each month.
- Edit and submit them.
- Avoid rewriting unless requested.
- Read ten times more than you write.
- Repeat the process 100 times.
Additionally, I recognized the importance of having mentors and allies, as well as mastering my fears and frustrations. The pivotal question became, “Will I honor my commitments to myself?”
“You cannot truly replicate a unique experience; each moment is distinct.”
Section 1.1: Conceptual Flexibility
When I felt the urge to write for "Commander Cody, Sky Marshall of the Universe," and realized that the show was no longer airing, I had to reassess my goal. The essence of my aspiration lay not in the specific show, but in the feelings it evoked—thrilling adventures that enchanted my younger self.
Thus, I reframed my objective: it was about capturing that same exhilarating feeling, not about the show itself. I could explore new avenues or even create my own narratives. This shift in perspective opened a world of possibilities, reminding me that our experiences are never identical; we must embrace the uniqueness of each moment.
Section 1.2: The Absurdity of Uniqueness
Modeling success also requires flexibility. I could easily argue that my unique circumstances make it impossible to find anyone who has achieved what I aspire to, given that no one shares my exact life experiences. This line of thinking is absurd; just as you cannot bake a cake by strictly adhering to the recipe without adapting it to your own tastes, you shouldn’t feel bound by the specifics of someone else's journey.
Instead, focus on fulfilling your needs—on triggering the emotions you wish to experience, rather than fixating on the exact form those experiences should take. Embrace the idea of “close enough,” and don’t let fear dictate your pursuit of perfection.
Chapter 2: The Power of Perspective
The sentiment from Harlan Ellison, that “success is to bring into existence, in adult terms, our childhood dreams,” emphasizes the necessity of an adult perspective when assessing our desires. I can confidently assert that I have achieved my childhood dreams. However, if I had demanded that these dreams manifest exactly as I envisioned—at the precise time, in the exact way, and with the same people—I would likely conclude that none of them came to fruition.
It’s disheartening to observe successful individuals who fail to appreciate their achievements because they don’t align with their preconceived notions. It’s even more tragic to see those who feel trapped in mediocrity, settling for their current state due to a lack of gratitude for what they have already accomplished, thus stifling their potential for future success.
Since we cannot definitively know our limits, it’s reasonable to consider that our beliefs about them are merely educated guesses. Every day, people accomplish what was once deemed impossible, and that should inspire us.
The first video titled "How I failed at everything in life" discusses the concept of failure as a stepping stone toward success. It explores the importance of learning from setbacks and embracing a growth mindset.
The second video, "Why I Fail At Everything (How to deal with failure as an artist Allan McKay)," offers insights on managing failure in the creative process and emphasizes the significance of resilience.
So, which error would you prefer to make? To overestimate your capabilities or to underestimate your potential? Personally, if I were to reflect on my life at its end and realize I never had the capacity to fulfill a dream, I would smile and think, “What an incredible journey it was.”
However, if I discovered that I could have achieved more—been more, helped more, enjoyed more, and expressed more, but was held back by fear and ego—that would be a source of deep regret. I’ve witnessed individuals on their deathbeds, consumed by the fear of these unfulfilled possibilities. They regret not having pursued their dreams, while I have yet to meet anyone who regretted taking the leap.
Be clear about your goals, yet flexible in your approach to achieving them. Seek out the right role models and strategies to guide you. Every story—be it in a movie or a book—illustrates how characters reach their objectives through unexpected paths, often realizing that their original desires differed from their true needs.
Use your aspirations as a driving force, continuously questioning, “Who am I?” and “What is true?” Find those role models, construct your roadmap, and take steps forward each day, regularly assessing your progress and learnings.
Remember, "Chop wood, carry water," and above all, enjoy the journey. That’s the essence of it all—joy and service.
Namaste,
Steve
www.stevenbarneslist.com